Give me a break
by Invictem
Summary: Ever wondered what would happen if you took one depressed troll who can't get anything done most of the time and put him into the second shinobi war? Me neither so no thank... why is there a fireball flying towards me? Why did you have to drop me off in the middle of a warzone? What? I didn't bully you! I just wanted a break!
1. Annoying the game

Not that kind of break

_AN: So this is my first story. English is not my first language so please tell me if I did a few oopsies (which is basically guaranteed. I just wrote this when I felt kinda down and have no idea where to go with this or if it's even a decent start. No idea about the world I wanne send... basically myself. (and if that ain't weird *in my opinion*) Guess I'm gonna go with the Naruto world if you have andy suggestions please don't hold back!_

Well fuck. That is not what I thought would happen when you die. To be honest I was hoping for peaceful nothingness being an atheist and stuff. Guess I was wrong I thought looking at the way too bright blue screen in front of me.

**You died.**

So short and bland, yet so final. Well certainly more final than my apparent demise it seems. That's really dissapointing to be honest, I was really hoping for it to end, or at least to get some goddamn fucking answers not this shit. Give me a break. Don't even have enough energy to get angry for real. Well guess some explanation are in order. My name is Aaron, 22 year old moron from germany, well that's it basically. I am, or more like used to be a gardener living a really uneventful life. Although everyone used to tell me that I'm a 'special' person with the right kind of values, I honestly didn't see it that way. In my opinion I was just some depressed fuck with no talents who doesn't even have the power to go to the psychologist most of the time. Video game addicted and mind down there. Guess opinions differ. A wonder I didn't blue screen myself. Honestly the only reason I didn't is because of friends and family and a slim hope of getting better. *Spoiler* I did not so I had to live with the pain as they say. So how DID I die?

In my humble opinion it was pretty damn lame. Because I'm a lazy procrastinating idiot and have no idea how to manage money,I had to push back the date I wanted to buy a car one month and had to use my scooter. In the middle of Winter. While the streets were frozen. Smart move I swear!

One day i ran late for work so my mind went 'gotta go fast' down the hill with roughly 60 km/h. All well and good till I had to break hard because I missed a parking car, being tired does that to you. Did I mention my absolutely fucked sleep schedule? Breaking that hard made my backwheel go berserk and sent me flying into the incomming traffic. Noice.

So back to the present. The blue box is doing nothing but float there in this... well dunno black nothingness, being more lazy than even me. Looking around I see guess what: still absolutely nothing. "Soooo wanne hang out some time?" I joke as I chuckle to myself. That's when I heard a female voice comming from the box answering my empty question.

**Aren't we already?**

Huh guess it's alive?

**Yuuuup. So You ready for an adventure?**

Uhhhhh... "Fuck this shit I'm out!" I say turning around trying to get my ass outta here only to still see... nothing what a surprise! "To infinity and beyond!." I halfscream moving into the... whatever the hell this is. Or at least I tried to until another blue box suddenly popped up in front of me.

**HA! That's why I choose you! Funny guy! Now if you are quiet done we can get started!**

Startled i couldn't help but fall back to my natural defense mechanism: "Noooo don't do this to me! I died a virgin so I'll goddamn stay one!" Sarcasm and stupid jokes.

***Cough* ANYWAYS! You have been chosen to be reincarnated into a new world! However your next life is not meant to be like your old boring, eventless life so I decided to give you a tool to motivate you! Let's sta-**

"Is it a vibrator?"

**...What? NO! Now let me finish my sentence!**

"Ok"

**As I was saying until you interrupted me! I will give you a great tool: The Gamer! How will something with a name like the game help you you ask? It's simpl-**

THE Gamer? Huh that might work out. My gears grinding I HAD to interrupt her yet again. "Actually I didn't ask. And keep it to twenty words or less please."

**Did you just Saitama me?**

"Yuuup"

**Urgh I give up you will find out on your own.**

"Noice." I say as i smirk."It's not like I already know about the gamer, being the shutin I am." I look at the somehow annoyed looking box. How does that even work? It's a box. "Anyways is something gonna happen or should I go for a quick smoke?"

**Watching you do that stuff was way more funny than being subjected to it. Besides how do you want to smoke when you don't even have a body? Heh gotcha!**

Really? Why even try? I wouldn't call it a talent more like a part of my personality but if there is someone who CAN talk mad shit it's me. "Guess even my soul is smoking hot." Once again I enjoy a moment of silence.

**That one was so bad, If I wasn't such a nice person I would insult you to Narnia and back. Whatever let's get this going. **

A new box appears in front of me. A really big box with a lotta worlds. Like enough to make me not want to read a single one. Skimming it I see some familiar names like One Piece, Naruto, Bleach and a few other ones aswell, some I don't know like Deadman Wonderland or Blood-C and a fucking RANDOM button at the bottom. Why the fuck would you have a random button there?

**These are your options. Since i have been a gamemaster for a long time I know which ones are the best to start! If you want i can help you :^).**

I can literally feel the smugness in her voice physically not even talking about the smiley...

**Some worlds are really dangerous and you wouldn't want to die instantly now would y-**

I proceed to press the random button with inhuman speed. "WHAT? I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF HOW AWESOME I AM!" I call out.

**What? I see I made the right choice to make you my student! It's time to annoy people and be as you said AWESOME! And since you as you said already are you don't need to know where you are going right? Here we go!**

Well fuck the only thing i wanted was a goddamn break, I thought as I sarted to dissapear. How does that even work with no body?

_AN:Hope you enjoyed the first chapter have a good one folks!_


	2. A new surrounding

_AN: Well here is chapter two _

Do you know this feeling when you realize shit is about to go down? That was what I was feeling, except I was not. At all. One second i was floating in nothingness in the next i was standing in a forest.

**Try to have fun and not die will ya?**

"Fuck you too?" To sum it up im alone in a forest. At night. Nice. Taking in my surounding I notice a few things. There are a lot of trees for example.

**DUH!**

I thought you wanted to leave me alone? And stop reading my thoughts it's creepy. So lets try this out, and I really hope it works with thoughts. 'Menu'. Suddenly a new box opens in front of me.

**Stats**

**Settings**

**Inventory**

**Skills**

**Perks**

**Notes**

**Now to check yo-**

"Your stats you have to think or say stats to open your bla bla."

**Really?**

"Really." I say thinking 'Perks'. Gotta start with the best one eh?

**Gamers mind****: Let's you think through critical situation without stupid stuff like emotions getting in your way. Pah who needs those anyways?!**

**Gamers body****: And switcherooo you aren't male anymore! Just kidding you just won't bleed and need to eat. Twice as good as is sounds, might help you lose a few kilos aswell!**

The hell is going on with those descriptions? And fuck you too it's not fat it's sexual sway mass! Whatever yay no more depression! Checking in my pants 'just to be save' and sighing in relieve I proceed to go into my stats. Gotta try if this works even though I'm probably never gonna use this. "Options"

**Commands**

**HUD**

The quick version: In the commands tab I can choose if I want to use mental commands, verbal commands or both. With my brain feeling like scrambled egg half the time it's probably best to keep using the last one. However the HUD was more interesting. Where do I want my popups to appear, where should my health and resourcebar be? Do I want to see enemies names and healthbars? Too many question time to procrastinate! With a quick thought, namely 'stats' I switched to the stats menu.

**Name: Aaron Pfau**

**Race: Human**

**Title: -**

**Level: 1 (0/50xp)**

**HP: 115/115**

**CHK: 165/165**

**Str: 6**

**Vit: 3**

**Dex: 2**

**Int: 13**

**Wis: 3**

**Cha: 8**

**Luk: 7**

**Buffs/Debuffs:**

_**A morons fortune**__**: You aren't actually stupid, just a moron. As history taught us all the best things happen to morons! +5 to luck**_

_**Moderate depression**__**: Don't be a downer! You suffer from a moderate depression. Aquired before the game which means it is not affected by gamers mind. -5 to charisma and -3 to wisdom.**_

_**Singleminded**__**: Your condition causes you to lose sight of the bigger picture, but give you the ability to focus on the matter at hand with full focus at all times. **_

_**+10% exp for abilitys and skills**_

_**-3 to Wis**_

_**Sleepyhead**__**: For almost two years you did absolutely nothing but stay in bed. You might have been working for almost half a year again but that doesn't change the fact that you neglected your bodys need for a workout!**_

_**-5 Str**_

_**-5 Vit**_

_**-5 Dex**_

Aren't morons usually stupid? And that seconds one. Hello darkness my old friend... that's just not fair. At least I can't complain about the third one. I know I am no Gandalf but that extra exp sounds really good. The last one sucked. I died you asshat this probably isn't even my real body! Why should I get punished for something a body did thats now a mixture of a stain on the pavement and a coating for that stupid Mercedes?! Whatever. But whats with those stats? Nothing amazing but overall they seem pretty high for level one. My best guess is that my level was reset after i got... well not reborn, but teleported here.

**Great assumption!**

Ah so I'm right?

**Nah but still nice try!**

Oh hell no stop it with the positive vibes it's killing me! Again! Would you mind explaining that bit to me though?

**I tried but you decided to ask me if it's a vibrator. **

Well I guess that's a no sir. Checking my Inventory and the Skills I can see it's empty. if that isn't dissapointing then I don't know what is. Guess I gotta test some stuff later but for now... "Enough standing around!" I say as I sit down on a nearby treetrunk that's lying on the ground. So how do we start this? I have no clue what I should do now. Is this world futuristic or rather medieval? Do people here have superpowers? Too many questions yet again. Guess I gotta take the 'morons' approach. Get going and hope for the best. With a sigh I try to get my body moving only to feel a sharp pain on my right upper leg. The hell? Did i cut myself on a tree of all things? Checking my right leg i can see a clean cut on my the right leg of my black sweatpants but thankfully i can't see any blood, probably thanks to gamers body. That feels really weird to be honest. Now where did this come from? I check the tree only to register... it's not a tree it's a cropse. Holy shit what?!

_AN: Sorry it's so short the next one will be longer just felt like getting this one out. Updated the first chapter cause i suck at proofreading my own stuff and felt some things needed to be ajusted while I'm only one chapter in._


	3. I'm just that hotcomo estas?

_AN: Next Chapter the one I promised would be longer. Tbh I wrote this first so let's see if I can do this!_

_Okay done now. It's way shorter than I wanted it do be but I'm way to good at procrastinating to not do it. Still a lot for me. Will update with spellcheck on the next chapter._

**The game talking/Messages and popups**

_**-**_**5 HP**

I look at the number in front of me. It's kind of surreal.

So what does the situation look like? I think about that question while standing up completly. I sat on a corpse for a few minutes thinking it was a dead tree. Said corpse had a bunch of knifes sticking out of it. Like 20 or something. How did I miss that anyways? Fuck the singleminded perk I know it was that damn debuffs fault! My sweatpants have a brand new hole in them thanks to said knifes. I still have no idea where I am and now I feel like sitting down again. Maybe I can avoid corpses this time? I take a better look around, just to see more dead people lying on the ground, well what else are they supposed to do? That can either be a good or a bad thing. On one hand I could loot myself stupid, on the other hand... if they are dead something must have killed them. Or someone cause I don't think animals tend to stab people twenty times. With twenty knifes. Just why? Waste of knifes. Taking a closer look at the surrounding bodies I can see something that I really don't like. FRESH blood. Time to haul ass! Standing up I start moving at a brisk pace, to get away from this scene as fast as possible! To be precise I slender in a random direction because I'm just that laz... I mean I don't want to be noticed! Gamers mind might just be genuinely bad for me because of my mindset. Guess we will see in the not so distance future.

Apparently my high luck stat wasn't as high as I thought. Why? Because I got dropped of in the middle of a corpse field while a few meters further there was absolutely nothing! The problem with that is, when i say nothing I don't mean no corpses and everything is dandy. I mean no dead bodies no trees no FUCKING GROUND just a huge smoldering trench. As I stand on the edge of said trench, pondering about life and it's question, 'if i should turn around and take a nap next to my seat neighbour who shall be named treeguy' I suddenly pick up some sounds comming from my front right side. I guess it's time to realize my dream... treeguy I'm coming back!

**Quest: WARm welcome**

**-Investigate the sounds coming out of the woods -Don't die.**

**Bonusobjective: Don't get stabbed in the throat.**

**Rewards: 50xp and first contact.**

**Bonusreward: 300xp one lowtier spellbook**

What a surprise my first quest. I really don't like this title and the objective tells me there is a chance I'm gonna die. The bonusobjective does the same but more colorful. I don't want to be stabbed 20 times. With 20 knifes. Yes I'm still hung up on that. Who carries so many knifes around? Someone had to be angry for real. Well I can't just ignore my first quest like that or can I? Hell yes I can! I won't just run into my damn demise!

**You know, the possibility of you getting killed off if you don't follow this quest through is way higher.**

Ahhh fucknuggets. For once I'll take your word for it. By the way what should i call you? I can't just keep calling you it or something?

**Quest updated: WARm welcome**

**-New rewarded added to bonusobjective: Name of the gamemaster**

Huh you can do that? That's pretty cool I guess. Well time to get a bunch of new acquaintances. I just hope they speak english or something, but as far as i know the game usually handles that kind of stuff usually. Maybe I can speak other languages or use some automatic translation? Whatever let's get going. To get to my destination the best way would probably along the right said of this tear in the landscape, because my common sense is telling me it's not the best of ideas to walk through this still very much hot thing. Probably made by some bombs or a laser. Wild guesses but that what it looks like. Fucking idiots could have burned the whole forest down. Not that I'd care usually but I am kinda still in said forest and don't like being burned to a crisp. Besides if i can get there with little noise I might be able to gather some information on my new buddys from a distance. Don't want to run into a demonlord now do I? Who can shoot lasers from his eyes or some bullshit. So as i start walking along this clifflike border to the scorching demise, I start making a gameplan and thinking about the stuff I already know about my power. To start things of I know it is possible to get 'free' stat points by training. Free my ass I'm not gonna start exercising now! Besides I'm not even sure it would work and I don't think I'll look sane to my hopefully new allys when I come running at them while doing jumping jacks. However if it works this way my best stat wil probably be Int. I really like to read so that works in my favor.

While on the topic of intelligence, I have to admit it's probably not as high as I want it to be and it's my highest stat. How did I come to this conclusion? That one is simple. Who in their right mind would balance along a trench that literally screams HOT in your face, while spacing out? Me. With a very unnerving noise the ground under me dissapears and with a very 'dignified' yelp i drop down below to impact the ground. In the corner of my vision I see a -2 plop up. Another one. Another one. I can feel the unbearable heat turn into a searing pain as I stand up as fast as I can. HOLY SHIT my ass is burning! LITERALLY! With another show of why my highest stat still sucks I start running. Away from the edge I just fell down from and towards the other end and not exactly quiet. "REEEEEEE!" I scream at the top of my lungs while running as fast as I can! Which probably looks not as impressive as I imagine it. After forty meters of running at the amazing speed of a seven year old I can see the other end! Question time. Have you ever watched Ninja Warrior? Do you know the cliffhanger? Fuck that! I'm way to slow for that and already out of breath fuck! Come on I gotta go fast! I will fucking die if i don't get moving! With all of my strength I sprint towards the ledge and JUMP! With a burst of hatred 'yep that's what i decided to call my powers' I can feel my hands gripping the edge and my body impacting the wall soon after. 'AH SHIT THATS HOT' I pull myself up as fast as I can to stop my body from burning and lie down on the slightly singed gras.

Now that I'm out of that hellhole I notice a few popups.

**For exercising Str +1**

**For exercising Vit +2**

**For exercising Dex+1**

**Skill created [passive]****: Fire resistance**

**Burn motherfucker burn! -0.5% fire damage**

**Skill created [passive]****: Pain resistance**

**A needle or a sledgehammer? -0.9% less pain**

**Skill created****: Sprint**

**Run boy run! +25% running speed**

**cost: 20 chk/s**

**Skill created****: JUMP!**

**Just take the jump! +0.5 meters to your jump**

**cost: 20 chk**

Dammit and all this when I just declared that I wouldn't exercise! And my poor clothers! So much for one hole on my sweatpants! My black sweatpants have several burns, just like my black hoodie. The soles of my red shoes are molten to the point they are nothing but mush. Checking myself for injuries I notice there are none. Huh so gamers body is working nice. A little weird, but not as bad as playing the ground is lava with a twist. The twist being I sprint through the fucking lava. Because why not. The rustling of bushes next to me wake me from my daydreams.

A wild ninja appears! I can't describe this person any different. Wearing all black with a green vest. I can't see his face since he is wearing a face mask and... a gay friendship braclet with a metal plate on it. Pretty intimidating overall. Wait i have seen this before! That's a Naruto headband right? Okay a swirl means good guys the rest is pretty much death. Well it's not that bad, but Konoha sounds kinda nice as opposed to some of the others, especially because I don't know anything about the others. Aaaaand I'm fucked it's four lines next to each other. Amegakure or something? That's where Pain is from right? Okay time to play it cool and copy the best spies the western world has ever seen...

**P.O.V. ?**

I honestly don't know what to think. We just managed to push back the hostile shinobi who ambushed us. It was a long and exhausting fight which ended with a lot of casulties on both sides. With a final push we repelled their attack at the cost of a lot of good shinobi. So tired yet still alert for possible attacks we set down camp, only to hear a truly horrifying sound. It rattled my bones and made me shiver involuntary. Me a hardened shinobi! "REEEEEE!" It was this inhuman sound which made us all get up as fast as we could. What could this possibly be? I look towards my fellowe ninjas and sign them to followe me. A squad of 5 people to check the situation out. I take to the trees and start running. I arrive at the clearing, where in the previous fight somebody used a huge ninjutsu to blow a huge part of the forest including its ground away. The moment I came out of the bushes I saw somebody lie on the ground. A foreign looking person with clothes I have never seen before, pretty tall but unathletic. Brown eyes and brown sweaty hair, his clothes slightly burned like he just... he actually sprinted through the aftermath of that fireball?! He must have run away from whatever made that sound! I can't really detect a lot of chakra from him and he seems harmless enough... I'll have to go for first contact. With my mind made up I slowly walk towards him in a non-threatening manner. After a few seconds of staring into the air he notices me. He stands up and looks me over, my clothes and not actually visible features ,until his eyes land on my headband. He hesitates for a second. That's when i tense slightly, ready to spring into action. He slowly lifts up his arm... to smile and wave. Okay no problem there. Relaxing slightly and signaling the rest of the men to come out of hiding, I slowly approach him. That's when an actual problem occurs. He starts talking gibberish. Poor bastard. Whatever he saw must have fried his brain.

**P.O.V Aaron**

Holy shit that worked! Okay so if this is Naruto I need to know where I am and catch a few news to know where in the timeline I was thrown off. There are so many bad things that happen. Orochimaru. Pain. Madara. Kaguya. A lot more I can't remember right now. Should I help? Probably. Probably means fuck no by the way. Basically I need knowledge to avoid all that shit. Okay let's try this. "Hello can you tell me where I am?" He looks at me strange. "Can you understand me?" No answer. Thats when i hear him talk _"Can anyone understand that?" _Okay FUCK I can't understand that. My inner otaku tells me it's japanese. And ya know Naruto world? Fuck okay let's try all dem languages! "Verstehen sie mich jetzt?" It's not german. "Espaniol? Como estas?" Still no reaction! "Je m'appelle Aaron et toi?" Not even a muscle moved "Suka blyat?" Nothing. Actually the last one is a good thing. Don't want to be stabbed. Besides I can't even speak russian. Or spanish. French neither. Now that I'm done with my language charade and trying to look cool in front of someone who doesn't even know any of those languages exist, I take notice of 4 more figures appearing from the bushes and trees all looking at me funny. Dude it's not my fault you narrow-minded people only know one language!

**Well I thought it would be a good bonding exercise to make you learn Japanese the manual way!**

Well I think I'd like to bind your thumbs to a cars coupling device!


End file.
